19 and counting

Wow! Only 19 more days of school remaining, it's been a crzy year. I can't believe we are almost finished. Up to my surgery I haven't been stressed out too much. Once I returned from surgery and spring break all I've done is to think about, write and hold IEP meetings. I'm finished!! I have 2 small meetings to conduct and a little more paperwork. I miss my kids, even though I've been there. Now I have a cafe to get ready for. I received a grant of $500 from the Jr. league of Augusta. Now we have to prepare. It's going to a lot of work but it will be worth it. I think the kids will enjoy it. I know there is not much thinking or anything deep in this blog(not that I go to deep anyway) but that's ok.

From Pity Party to Party

Yesterday, I was having my self a little pity party. I was told by the doctor on Wednesday that I had 3 weeks to get my leg straight or I would have to have a third surgery. I have made good progress on getting it to bend but have been struggling to get it straight. I had a wedding to do (take photos) but was feeling a little nervous about it, not to mention that my stomach was bothering me and I was very nauseous.
I got ready for the wedding and went. We got a late start with the photos but that did not stress me out too bad. I was happy for the bride and groom, they were both in the youth group when I worked with the youth my first time around at the Augusta Vineyard. Once the wedding go going I started feeling better, my stomach finally stopped bothering me. I had a great time at the wedding. It was like a big party. So I went from a pity party to a PARTY that celebrated something beautiful.
It made me do a little self evaluation, and possibly an evaluation of others. If we dwell on our problems we will continue to get wrapped up in a pity party to the point of depression. I believe the best way to avoid that is to serve others. If we put others before ourselves then we have no time to feel sorry for ourselves and think about our problems, but if we serve others then we can find that we will get to be a part of something beautiful.
The wedding was beautiful despite all of the wind. I had a great time celebrating this union. I was surrounded by people full of love and joy. I even danced a little.

Milestones

Last week on Thursday March 31, I was able to ride the bike backwards. In PT land I had to cheat by raising my hip and it was only one petal back and then awkwardly I would do it again. This week I worked on it some more trying to go forward which is more difficult to do. Well today at the gym my knee went forward and kept going fairly smoothly. I was as giddy as a school girl. The first thing I did was to call Mike. To me this was a small miracle. I have lots of pain at night and was told it would be summer before I was back to normal. What a long wait. Each little milestone gives me more and more hope and the courage to keep working hard.

Freedom

Over the last couple of months I have been fighting depression with this whole knee thing. The knee is on the mend (slowly but surely). I was a little irritated at God because I felt like He did not fulfill his promise. A little over a week ago I was having a discussion on where we were spiritual. When it came my time to speak I spoke my mind. How I was on a spiritual high since the day of the accident, up to the first of February but now I was in a low. The next day after telling my friends how I was a little irritated I decided to pick up my Bible and read a little. I was actually reading the beatitudes from Matthew but it was in the message version and it spoke volumes to me. Several verses just seemed to really touch me. "You're blesses when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you these is more of God and his rule. You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you....Matthew 5:3-4. I was thinking my knee is not most dear to me what's up with that? Then later thinking it's not my knee it's me, it's my personality. The bouncy Tigger Veronica was gone. I could not just get up and go. I was dependent on others. I could not sit Indian style on the floor with my kids, couldn't crawl and chase the cat in our little game we always played or do other things that I loved to do. Being able to do those things is most dear to me. I love being able to just be my typical ADHD self and it was gone. The other verse that stood out to me was Matthew 5:7 "you're blessed when you care. At the moment of being 'care-full,' you find yourself cared for. I have receive so many blessing from others taking care of me, especially from Mike. He has been my "in home therapist". Let me tell you he's tough but tough in love. I have enjoyed looking into his eyes and seeing the love reflected back even tough he's causing me pain. I have been able to continue and grow in relationship with others. I was being cared for by everyone I met, rather it was someone opening the door, picking up my keys when I dropped them in the store, pushing out my groceries (something I always do), to just having conversation with people I didn't know. SO! Maybe I have received my healing but just in a different form than I was thinking. I have been blessed by this accident (who would have guessed). I have received my freedom. I no longer am fighting depression, I have found ways to overcome the challenges and still be ME! There is a freedom it that. A freedom that only comes from God.
My determination to reach a goal has never been stronger. I have been challenged to work harder on something than I ever had before. Now lets see what God has in store for the future.