Jack in the Box

I feel like a "Jack in the Box" It is like someone turned the handle and made me pop my top. A good thing. I feel like Jack who has been confined to a box for 4 months. I have been limited it everything I do. Just about 2 weeks ago I begin to sleep and my hyper personality is back. Today I got in the car with my friends and I don't think I stopped talking for 10 solid minutes. I finally realized it and apologized. They commented that they could tell I had my old self back because I was no loner grumpy. It feels good to be me.
Today my class had our Cafe for a grant I won. It went great. My kids waited on tables, bussed the tables, cooked the food and what ever else was needed. They were so cute and we were so tired and hungry when we finished. I feel like vacation time is here (of course it is only 3 more days of school with the kids) and finishing the cafe was the final release of all my tension.

Sleep or the lack thereof

Sleep is an amazing thing. You do not realize what it does for you until you go without. For the last month or two, I haven't sleep good. I have taken pain medicine, muscle relaxers and the occasional sleep medication all to no avail. The pain just kept waking me up. Finally on Thursday night I only got up once and then went right back to sleep. Friday morning I felt like a new woman. I had patients, and enjoy being at work. I love my job and this lack of sleep has kept me from enjoying one of the things I love most, My Students. I have not had a lot of patients and have not taken the time to see God in them and to enjoy the little victories in life. So on Friday, I just sat and enjoyed them. I laughed with them again, sat on the floor and played with them. Friday night I slept for the first time without medication. 2 good nights that I am very thankful for. Last night I wasn't as lucky, but it was not too bad. I am hoping that I am over the hump and can see a little light at the end of the tunnel. I have 2 weeks left of school with my kids and I want to enjoy every moment I can and will try not to let the lack of sleep creep into my attitude.

19 and counting

Wow! Only 19 more days of school remaining, it's been a crzy year. I can't believe we are almost finished. Up to my surgery I haven't been stressed out too much. Once I returned from surgery and spring break all I've done is to think about, write and hold IEP meetings. I'm finished!! I have 2 small meetings to conduct and a little more paperwork. I miss my kids, even though I've been there. Now I have a cafe to get ready for. I received a grant of $500 from the Jr. league of Augusta. Now we have to prepare. It's going to a lot of work but it will be worth it. I think the kids will enjoy it. I know there is not much thinking or anything deep in this blog(not that I go to deep anyway) but that's ok.

From Pity Party to Party

Yesterday, I was having my self a little pity party. I was told by the doctor on Wednesday that I had 3 weeks to get my leg straight or I would have to have a third surgery. I have made good progress on getting it to bend but have been struggling to get it straight. I had a wedding to do (take photos) but was feeling a little nervous about it, not to mention that my stomach was bothering me and I was very nauseous.
I got ready for the wedding and went. We got a late start with the photos but that did not stress me out too bad. I was happy for the bride and groom, they were both in the youth group when I worked with the youth my first time around at the Augusta Vineyard. Once the wedding go going I started feeling better, my stomach finally stopped bothering me. I had a great time at the wedding. It was like a big party. So I went from a pity party to a PARTY that celebrated something beautiful.
It made me do a little self evaluation, and possibly an evaluation of others. If we dwell on our problems we will continue to get wrapped up in a pity party to the point of depression. I believe the best way to avoid that is to serve others. If we put others before ourselves then we have no time to feel sorry for ourselves and think about our problems, but if we serve others then we can find that we will get to be a part of something beautiful.
The wedding was beautiful despite all of the wind. I had a great time celebrating this union. I was surrounded by people full of love and joy. I even danced a little.

Milestones

Last week on Thursday March 31, I was able to ride the bike backwards. In PT land I had to cheat by raising my hip and it was only one petal back and then awkwardly I would do it again. This week I worked on it some more trying to go forward which is more difficult to do. Well today at the gym my knee went forward and kept going fairly smoothly. I was as giddy as a school girl. The first thing I did was to call Mike. To me this was a small miracle. I have lots of pain at night and was told it would be summer before I was back to normal. What a long wait. Each little milestone gives me more and more hope and the courage to keep working hard.

Freedom

Over the last couple of months I have been fighting depression with this whole knee thing. The knee is on the mend (slowly but surely). I was a little irritated at God because I felt like He did not fulfill his promise. A little over a week ago I was having a discussion on where we were spiritual. When it came my time to speak I spoke my mind. How I was on a spiritual high since the day of the accident, up to the first of February but now I was in a low. The next day after telling my friends how I was a little irritated I decided to pick up my Bible and read a little. I was actually reading the beatitudes from Matthew but it was in the message version and it spoke volumes to me. Several verses just seemed to really touch me. "You're blesses when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you these is more of God and his rule. You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you....Matthew 5:3-4. I was thinking my knee is not most dear to me what's up with that? Then later thinking it's not my knee it's me, it's my personality. The bouncy Tigger Veronica was gone. I could not just get up and go. I was dependent on others. I could not sit Indian style on the floor with my kids, couldn't crawl and chase the cat in our little game we always played or do other things that I loved to do. Being able to do those things is most dear to me. I love being able to just be my typical ADHD self and it was gone. The other verse that stood out to me was Matthew 5:7 "you're blessed when you care. At the moment of being 'care-full,' you find yourself cared for. I have receive so many blessing from others taking care of me, especially from Mike. He has been my "in home therapist". Let me tell you he's tough but tough in love. I have enjoyed looking into his eyes and seeing the love reflected back even tough he's causing me pain. I have been able to continue and grow in relationship with others. I was being cared for by everyone I met, rather it was someone opening the door, picking up my keys when I dropped them in the store, pushing out my groceries (something I always do), to just having conversation with people I didn't know. SO! Maybe I have received my healing but just in a different form than I was thinking. I have been blessed by this accident (who would have guessed). I have received my freedom. I no longer am fighting depression, I have found ways to overcome the challenges and still be ME! There is a freedom it that. A freedom that only comes from God.
My determination to reach a goal has never been stronger. I have been challenged to work harder on something than I ever had before. Now lets see what God has in store for the future.

On the road to recovery

Well the proceedure today was WAY WAY worse than the invasive surgery. I woke up in extreme pain. After morphine and a few other drugs I felt better. I also have a nerve block in my leg. For the first time in2 months my leg is straight. but it will pop up if taken our of the splint. It is a weird feel to wiggle your toes or touch your leg and not be able to feel it. They said to expect a lot of pain tonight so make sure I take the pain killers. I am ready to be completely healed.

I talked to my pricipal and teacher assistance today and they said that special olympics was good. I am glad that it was. God provided good weather and fun for the kids.

The Adventure Continues.....

Well so far I've made no progress after 3 weeks of PT. I've actually lost even more of my range of motion. I went to the doctor to see what's up. Because my knee was in the lock position for so long it decided it wanted to stay there. What fun! It's been 2 months since the accident. I now have to go back to surgery for a technique call Knee Manipulation. Here they will put me under and then manipulate my knee to make it bend and straighten. In other words they are going to force it to do something it refuses to do. This procedure will be more painful than the orginal surgery. I was told I will hurt like hell for 2 weeks and will under INTENSIVE physical therapy as if what I was already doing wasn't intensive enough. The last surgery I was at such peace about the whole thing, not so with this one. I have had lots of prayer and really appreciate all who have helped me, either by praying, waiting on me, taking me places, or lending a shoulder to cry on. Tomorrow is special olympics, and in my 12 years of teaching it will be the first one I've ever missed. I am totally bummed about that. I look forward to encouraging my kids on the one day that is set aside just for them to shine. It is always fun. I love my students and hate that I will miss it. I will be glad to get back to normal tough so that I will be able to give them 100% that they deserve. I have only been back for 1 week of full time days to turn around and miss a few more. I have left them in great hands and will pray that tomorrow will be a glorious day for them. Going to go now and eat my last bite of food before midnight.

PAIN

Well today Physical Therapy took on a whole new meaning. I know call it pain and tourcher or physical tourcher. My therapist, decided that my leg and hip needed a massage because my leg was more bent than it was the last session. He asked me what was up and I said "you tell me , your the therapist".. Ah! massage Right, OH NO, that was probally the most painful thing I have experienced. But worth it right, yes if it will help my leg get straight. We I thought the worst was over, did a few more strenghtening excersizes and then we were going to stretch it, no so bad the last session, a litttle pain but not much. Well guess again. He is pulling and tugging and then he ask one of the other therapist to come over. I winced and said PLEASE tell me that the 2 of you will not be pulling on my leg at the same time. Well guess what, THEY DID! HE is pulling and tugging and she is poking and pushing my knee downward. What fun that was, I literaly came off of the table and it took my breath away but hopefully it will be one step closer to having my leg back to normal.

On our walk with Christ, we all have our time in the desert. These times are usually accompanied by pain and hard lessons but the one thing we know about the times when we feel like we are so far away from our source of hope, that these times of struggle and pain only draw us closer to our Goal of walking close to God again. So I have to keep positive and believe that I get one step closer to my goal of walking normally again.

The Babysitter

Well after the fall comes the surgery and then the recovery. On Tuesday the 22nd of February I underwent surgery on my knee to repair what I had done while having a blast. The day of the surgery I was as calm and peaceful as a cucumber. I had a peace within me that could have come only from one source and that is the Holy Spirit. On the first Sunday of this month we had communion at church and Reese told us to come to the table hungry. As I sat there praying I told God that I was HUNGRY! and then I felt His Spirit say that when I came to the table I would receive healing. So I went with expectations, after receiving communion Reese asked if he could pray for me and I said yes thinking "This is it!" Reese and Mary Margaret then prayed for me while we were in line and of course holding up the line and I was excited. I went back to my seat wanting to go to the restroom and take of the brace, bend and straighten my knee and dance in the back, but not wanting to disturb the rest of the service I waited but for the very first time I was able to sit comfortably and sit still and not restless. I go up as the service end and my leg would not straighten, slightly disappointed I heard God speak again and this time he said "healing will come in surgery".
As I said the surgery is complete, I am still in pain (mainly when I get up and walk around) but it is minimal, nothing like I expected but I have been very still because of the Babysitters. I know that God has healed me. It will be complete in his timing not mine.
I know the title of the post is "The Babysitter" so let's talk about that. God has taken great care of me through his spirit and through my baby sitters. The first one has been my husband who has taken great care of me only fussing at me at times I am trying to do to much and by trying to be too independent. He worries about me and in fact came out of the shower so fast this morning when I put my crutches against the wall and they made a noise that sounded like falling. It scared him and my man was coming to take care of me. For that I am so grateful. Mike took care of me the day of the surgery and after hours. Yesterday my sitter was Sam. She is awesome, what a great friend I have made since returning to the vineyard. I had known Sam and Chris from before through their daughter Carrie but had no idea that I would be blessed with such a beautiful friendship later on. I thought Mike was tough but she has got him beat. She would not let me get up for love or money other than to go to the bathroom and If I did I would get "The Look" you know the one, the one your mother, my mother gave us when we were not doing as we were supposed to. She bought my lunch and dinner. Sam I just want to THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. Today I'm trying it out on my own, Mike will come home for lunchtime, and tomorrow my best Friend will be taking me to PT (I'm not looking forward to it AT ALL) but I realize that the pain must come so that I will regain the full use of my leg so it away I am ready for it so that I can get the first one past me.
Sorry this is so long but I just want to Thank God for taking such good care of me. I want to thank my best friend and husband Mike for loving me so. I want to thank Sam for showing me "What Would Jesus Do?" by being a friend and compassionate server of God.

God at work.

Yesterday I went back to Mosaic to be a part of their 1 year anniversary celebration. It is really cool to see how God works. The church is growing and is doing great but what really got me was when someone shared their story about being adopted and how God worked out things for this person to finally meet their birth mom fifty years later. I can't do the story justice but was amazed that the adoptee who was adopted in Tenn. decided to settle in the Augusta area after retiring from the military to only be several miles from his birth mothers home. It was really amazing to hear how God was able to reunite this family after what seemed like an impossible task.

A Messed Up Body

You know you never fully understand the verses in the Bible where it talks about the body as a whole and that every part is a equal as the other until you mess up one of your own body parts. The recent ski trip where I had the "Clouded Vision" I also fell and hurt my knee. I did not think too much of it at first until over the last two weeks where it continued to get worse. I went to the doctor and he said it was sprained but it still continued to get worse so I ended up in sports medicine where he believes I tore the cartlidge. GREAT! I have to have an MRI and if it confirms what he suspects I will have to have surgery. Well in the mean time, I can not straighten or bend my leg, so the rest of my body is having to compensate. I fell pain all over and not in just the bad knee. The good knee is now sore along with my hips and back. So the body must work together in order to complete it's work. So if you ever feel like you have clouded vision, or you are not important in the body let me assure you that without you the rest of the body will suffer.
After confessing my "Clouded Vision" I have found my place in the body again, even tough it is not the part I thought it was, it is just as important. I have once again found myself in a place where I can serve.

Clouded Vision

This weekend I went to Maggie Valley to ski with our youth group. I have been struggling as to where I fit in and felt like I have lost my vision. I had some one pray for me and they said that they felt God was saying that I have not lost it but it was clouded by something. It could be sin, frustration or other things. As we continued to pray God reveled to me that this was true and I had been harboring anger. I was angry because I felt that I had been given something from God to only have it yanked away. I repented and then I heard God speak again. He gave me the direction on where to begin again to live out the vision that he has given me. Wow! what a refreshing moment.

You Are Only As Old As You Act!

Last night was New Year's Eve. We had our small group party. The host group has a teenage daughter and decided to get her some nerf guns for Christmas. Then last night this group of 30-40 somethings pulled them out and had WAR!! It was a blast! There were four of us who had these play guns and we were running around the house shooting each other until we got tired and sweaty.

I do believe that I will stay young at heart for ever and that to be an adult you do not have to be 100% GROWNUP. You can still enjoy life by being young at heart.

Life in the Trauma

Tonight I got a call from my paraprofessional (teacher's assistance) telling me that her husband had totaled his truck and was at the trauma unit at MCG. He's ok, they are observing him overnight because he lost consciousness. It made me reflect back to when I had my accident about 6-7 years ago. I totaled my truck, lost consciousness, had internal chest wall contusions with chest pains, and my nose, eye and forehead were sliced opened. I realized the value of life as I am sure that my friend and her family are at the moment. Despite the pain he has his life to be grateful for and his family will get to share in that life during the holidays instead of experiencing the pain that comes with a tragic loss. I can remember reflecting and evaluating my life during that time, was I doing what God has set before me? Could I make a difference in someone else's life? At the since of my accident someone stopped and asked if they could pray for me. I never saw their face, I just felt their touch and did not want it to go away. Later I tried to find out who this person was, it wasn't the paramedics from what I can remember because I vaguely remember that he had to step aside when they got there and I didn't want him to go. I don't remember what he prayed for but was comforted by his touch. I called the witnesses on the accident report and it wasn't them. They said they prayed but didn't pray over me physically. I thanked them but never got the opportunity to say thanks to the guy that prayed for me. So now, I would like to say thanks and let you know what that meant to me. It is something that I have treasured and have promised to do the same if I ever witnessed an accident.

Downtown

Well, today I went downtown for a visit at the Downtown Vineyard. It was good to be back after over a year of being gone. I finally got to see Sarah's and Will's baby girl. She is cute and sweet. I really enjoyed the worship. Next time I'll have to stay and go out to eat with everyone afterwards but I had youth group at my church(Vineyard Church of Augusta). I realized how much I miss everyone down town but I also realize that I am at a point where I don't feel that I fit in anywhere. I have friends of all ages and enjoy doing things with them but have not quite figured out where I really belong. I've always felt like it was working with youth and maybe it still is. I love the kids at the Vineyard and I do feel like I am connecting there but I really thought it would happened sooner(I've been there for 6 months). I'm hoping that at the youth retreat I will develope some closer relationships with those involved. So some times I wonder what my TRUE Purpose is.

Christmas with my Family

Well, today we drove up to the "Big City" of Braselton to celebrate Christmas with my family. My mom decided not to cook this year so she ordered pizza. Of course I can't eat it because I allergic to the Cheese on top, so I had salad and pasta instead. After we ate we opened gifts, at our house it's kind of crazy everyone opens their gifts all at once. I enjoy watching the kids open their gifts but it's kind of hard to do when everyone is doing at the same time. I love my nieces. They are so cute. They are 3, 4, and 5. I have a new niece who is 6, that is my brother's soon to be step daughter.
Us older kids somehow decided back at Thanksgiving to draw names. So we end up buying for each other having no clue what the other wants or needs. I drew my sister's name and gave her a scrapbook kit. I figured she had the time to do it because she does not work. She drew my name and found out that I like to collect colbalt blue glass. So she go me a blue owl because it was different, I just giggled because I've been thinking about the dead owl in my mom's freezer. So we reminisced a little bit, and finally asked mom what she did with it and she said she go rid of it. She threw it away. My mom and dad got me a really cool old camera. It was still in the box, had a roll of film, and an original battery that had a camera on it.
Then came the divinity. My sister-in-law and I love it, and as always I ate way too much of it.
I am looking forward to the rest of the holiday, school is out and I can rest. More than anything I am looking forward to hearing my fater-in-law preach his final Christmas Eve service. He is one of the best story tellers I know. I love to hear him tell the Christ Story and can't wait until one day my kids will be able to hear him also.

HOOTIE

I am easily relaxed by the sounds of nature. I love listening to the critters outside in our yard and watching the squirrels run from tree to tree. I am very thankful for our home. The back yard is like being out in the Great Outdoors. Mike hates the squirrels, mainly because they kept eating a hole in the gas line to our grill and when we went to grill had no gas. Well anyway, I was listening this morning and heard Hootie the owl that resides in the trees behind our house. My friend Adam and I got to see him one day fly across the yard. He was huge and beautiful. I was listening to him hoot this morning and was taken back to a memory earlier in my life. When I was a young kid my mother hit an owl with the car. She actually took him and put him in the freezer because she wanted to get him stuffed. She never did and I wonder what ever happened to that frozen dead owl. It actually sounds kind of morbid, but I laugh because it was one of the many crazy things we did.
It makes me think of long lost friends, what ever happened to them, you may remember them from first grade, or somewhere along the way. We grow up and move on. As I think about those long lost friends I pray that God will bless them along their way and find myself smiling or laughing and wishing that I could be a child again.

Life Is Full Of Excitement

Mike and I have been married for 15 years. I have always wanted to have kids and he has felt like that was not for him or that we needed to wait for God's timing. We both feel called to adopt. Since the day he has told me that he was in agreement I have been so excited. I think about EVERYTHING! What will the kid look like? What will we call him/her? When will the appointed day arrive? Questions everywhere. We are not in a hurry at the moment, we are just in the beginning stages of the idea. Even tough at times I want it to happen Yesterday! But all my friends know what a grand moment this is and they are excited over all the possibilities also.

Here Goes!

Well here goes! I thought I would never do this but finally decided to give it a try.
"Mrs. Leaptrott today's Friday" as said by one of my students (according to her everyday is Friday, We could only be so lucky) and I'm so glad. It has been a good week but for some reason today I've been a little tired and grumpy. It is hard to believe that Christmas is just around the corner, and this year I have the Christmas spirit, I want to experience Christmas to the fullest because of the great things God has done.