Freedom

Over the last couple of months I have been fighting depression with this whole knee thing. The knee is on the mend (slowly but surely). I was a little irritated at God because I felt like He did not fulfill his promise. A little over a week ago I was having a discussion on where we were spiritual. When it came my time to speak I spoke my mind. How I was on a spiritual high since the day of the accident, up to the first of February but now I was in a low. The next day after telling my friends how I was a little irritated I decided to pick up my Bible and read a little. I was actually reading the beatitudes from Matthew but it was in the message version and it spoke volumes to me. Several verses just seemed to really touch me. "You're blesses when you're at the end of your rope. With less of you these is more of God and his rule. You're blessed when you feel you've lost what is most dear to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One most dear to you....Matthew 5:3-4. I was thinking my knee is not most dear to me what's up with that? Then later thinking it's not my knee it's me, it's my personality. The bouncy Tigger Veronica was gone. I could not just get up and go. I was dependent on others. I could not sit Indian style on the floor with my kids, couldn't crawl and chase the cat in our little game we always played or do other things that I loved to do. Being able to do those things is most dear to me. I love being able to just be my typical ADHD self and it was gone. The other verse that stood out to me was Matthew 5:7 "you're blessed when you care. At the moment of being 'care-full,' you find yourself cared for. I have receive so many blessing from others taking care of me, especially from Mike. He has been my "in home therapist". Let me tell you he's tough but tough in love. I have enjoyed looking into his eyes and seeing the love reflected back even tough he's causing me pain. I have been able to continue and grow in relationship with others. I was being cared for by everyone I met, rather it was someone opening the door, picking up my keys when I dropped them in the store, pushing out my groceries (something I always do), to just having conversation with people I didn't know. SO! Maybe I have received my healing but just in a different form than I was thinking. I have been blessed by this accident (who would have guessed). I have received my freedom. I no longer am fighting depression, I have found ways to overcome the challenges and still be ME! There is a freedom it that. A freedom that only comes from God.
My determination to reach a goal has never been stronger. I have been challenged to work harder on something than I ever had before. Now lets see what God has in store for the future.